Tracie Cone has always been a trailblazer. This award-winning journalist is the former California Newspaper Executive of the Year. She shares a Pulitzer Prize with fellow staff members at the Miami Herald for coverage of the aftermath of Hurricane Andrew and has twice been nominated individually. She has focused her writing on helping the underdog and empowering those without a strong voice of their own. Now she takes us on the fight of her life.
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Visualizing a better day

Today I emerged from the chemical fog and return to life, albeit shakily. I managed to walk 1½ miles before sunrise (so I don’t get burned), and even ran a short errand for Michelle, who badly needs a break. Now I’m tired.

I’m not sure driving is a good idea, frankly. I feel a disconnect between my head and my body most of the time, so I’m going to sell my car. It would likely be sitting in the garage until the end of the year anyway, and those short-term disability payments aren’t much. So if anyone is interested in a 2008 Acura RDX with the technology package (the crossover that handles like a sports car) let me know.

This week my weird aches and pains include my teeth, which now are sensitive to even the ultra-soft baby toothbrush I’ve had to use for weeks, and my feet. I just can’t find socks soft enough. They feel blistered, though I look and there’s nothing visibly wrong. Skin cells dying, I guess.

My appetite is slowly returning after the worst round of chemo nausea so far, so tonight Michelle is making Mexican food (my favorite!!) for our Fresno boyfriends. Tacos (tofu for me) and homemade pinto beans that have been simmering all day. Yum, protein.

My mission today is to keep off the TV (if anyone needs advice on adding curb appeal to your yard, just ask) and do some research on guided visualizations. A couple of dear friends suggested that finding a way to control my mind would help with the depression and nausea. So I’m hopeful that in the throes of Round 4 I can take advantage of my perpetual mind-body chemo-induced disconnect and go to some far-away paradise – at least in my head. Otherwise, the thought of the next round petrifies me.

But today I feel pretty good by comparison, and I’m grateful for that. Tomorrow is another – and better — day.

This is what I'll visualize: me floating on Lake Tahoe, my favorite place

4 Responses to “Visualizing a better day”

  • Michelle:

    You forgot about the Kardashians…..

  • carol:

    Yea what about that KIM !!!!!

  • Janet:

    Hi I know life really bites right now but you WILL get through this. You are stronger than you think, you are wiser than you think and you are more loved than you think.
    I don’t know if I told you but Williams dad died last month, a massive stroke. His brother had a stroke this week. But my mom got good news. Her tumor is gone for now after all the chemo. So matter how horrible it is it does work.
    Gotta go to Chapel Hill Sun to move Austin to a different place for a month. His landlord sued them, big mess. Had to go to court last Tuesday.
    Take care and keep in touch.
    Love you

  • maria:

    Good morning Tracie!

    you continue to amaze me and I feel inspired by you. I’ve been feeling so tired lately and my whole body hurts but reading your posts just makes me feel like a wimp, compared to you. Im glad you are feeling a bit better and I hope that you feel alot better and enjoy the 4th of July week-end in the company of friends and loved ones. Reading your post puts a different perspective to the way I view life at times. I’m glad you continue to include us in your life and share your battles with us. I continue to at least be there with you in spirit and on the sidelines cheering you on in your fight for this battle in kicking this cancer’s ass! You bring hope and courage to all of us,,,well at least to me:). You are wonder woman you know that? You seem so strong even at your weakest points. I wish I had the power to sprinkle some magic dust so all your pain and depressed moments could just disappear. However, I send my heartfelt wishes so that all this will soon be a memory. Im just glad you are feeling better. :)

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