Mind Control
June 20th, 2010
My dear old friends Judi and Sue came to visit this weekend so Michelle could go to a Bay Area family reunion. Health- and strength-wise I’m feeling good, as I’ve found I will on the alternate weekends before chemo. But emotionally I knew I would not want to spend the weekend alone, hence the “babysitters.”
They’re the kind of friends you can just hang out with and do nothing and feel comfortable with that. It’s a good thing since that’s a lot of what I do.
Our biggest excitement was riding the Vespas to Whole Foods to get snacks and things for dinner for our movie night. Sue’s partner Michael picked out the movies. Sue told him I like “smart comedies.” Michael got us “dark comedies.” So we quickly ejected “Gigantic,” when it turned violent, then suffered through “Serious Man” waiting for the laughs. It was a good Coen Brothers film, but not the kind of light fare we were hoping for. (Remember caretakers: everyone’s idea of “funny” is different.) Eventually we found the Michael Jackson farewell “This Is It” on Starzz, which was both fantastic and depressing at the same time.
It all got me way too much in my head, which is not the place I want to be even in the best of times. Though this is the weekend when I feel fine physically, I’m finding that keeping my thoughts and, therefore, my emotions in check can sometimes be tough. Well not sometimes, lots of times.
When my mind gets control I look down the road and see this odious schedule of foreign infusions for the next 1½ years, and even seven years hence when the word “remission” will come into play. It seems like an overwhelming long road to travel.
But when I’m in control of my mind, I ponder the moment: sitting on the patio with my friends, the dogs jumping in the pool, the birds chirping, a cool breeze blowing, my tomatoes ripening. And then I think: “life doesn’t get any better than this.”
Riding home with the groceries
Rocking the cool gecko head/face cover Sue brought me
Tracie,
I am glad you had a nice weekend with your buds and feel good physically.
You’re helmet is sic, had to comment on the helmut fashion.
I am happy that you are getting on the scooter and enjoying this beautiful unseasonable weather.
There is a great article in the PARADE SECTION ALL ABOUT CANCER SURVIVORSHIP!
I know that you will be one of those survivor statistics and probably reporting on the growing number.
I know that you are going for treatment on Tuesday and I did shedule that day if you needed a friendly transporter. I am still able to go if you need relief for the driver and to just “be” with you.
If you are feeling up to it on Wednesday, Meditation and Dharma sharing is open for you.
Keep fighting the good fight!
Love,
Carol
Dear Tracie,
You are in my thoughts everyday. I look forward to reading your web site. I’m so proud of you for being so strong. You are right, you do have a long road ahead but there will always be those days where you think life is good because with friends and family supporting you the way they do and your great attitude puts you one up on this disease. Keep taking good care of yourself. I’ll have to admit, I’m a little envious of you being able to give away the fat pants, but chemo sucks as a weight loss program. It may be the only one I haven’t tried! You are amazing to me and the coolest cousin I’ve ever had (don’t mention that to Terri). I love you and am praying for you. I believe that the Lord has a purpose for your life. I think that purpose is to show others how to beat cancer!!!
Love,
Melissa
Tracie,
Love the scooter pictures and the fact that you feel good enough to get out and about. You are fighting this fight with such determination both mentally and physically. Just remember you are not traveling alone. We know you are doing all of the hard and painful work. I just keep praying for strength for you and saying to the Universe…Tracie can do it!