“I’ve Been Through A Lot”
October 24th, 2010
Yesterday I was walking with Michelle, the bulbs and tubes draining my wounds bouncing against my hips, when I said aloud the words so many of you have said to me.
“You know, I’ve been through a lot.”
It was one of those moments when you utter something so obvious, some deep-down truth you’ve never said aloud before, that you instantly become overwhelmed with emotion. Before the last word crossed my lips my heart seemed to seize up as a lump formed in my throat. I started crying.
Spoken aloud, my ordeal instantly became very real. Chemo was one phase, but having one’s breasts removed is a forever reminder that cancer is a killer and fighting it requires an arsenal.
When the radiologist who read my initial ultrasound told me in May my life was about to change completely, she wasn’t kidding.
Today nothing is the same. Not with me, and not with Michelle, who has been there every step. I think her job was harder. I would rather suffer myself than watch someone I love suffer.
We will never take good health for granted. We will never assume that expressions of love can wait until another day.
All we have for sure is this moment.
After walking in a chemo stupor through the valley of the shadow of death nothing will seem as bad as it might have seemed before.
Finding balance in life is about perspective.
Now I have some. And it is this: I’ve been through a lot.
And life for all of us will never be quite the same again.
Tracie, I don’t think any of us will be the same now that we have the insight you have given us. I’m so proud of you. My hero.
I bow to the strength of your spirit and the mighty force of your courage. I love you, dear friend!
Some of us are learning these life lessons THRU you. Thank you for teaching me.
Yes, you have been through a lot…and so has Michelle!! And it is normal to feel the emotions running high now, as the reality of the past months life changing process takes its toll. Just remember who is the strongest of this whole experience and who continues to move forward in health and wholeness. You are beautiful from head to toe and from inside out!!! You are an inspiration to all that know you and you will have the opportunity to change hundreds of lives with your story of strength and honesty.
You are loved… Lynn
Hi Tracie
We met as writers, so just for a moment, can I look at your ordeal as writing? The two can’t be separated, I know that. But what you are producing stands on it’s own.
We emailed about you doing a book. You want a title? How ’bout ‘Goodbye to Second Base’. It’s funny–can you imagine!–and poignant. You turn mastectomy into a powerful memoir. The reasons people are reading memoirs are all there in that little post.
‘I’ve been through a lot.’ I’m starting a novel based on Zen and going back and reading the texts and I’ll tell you, tell you honestly: What’s in the texts is in ‘I’ve been through.’ ‘I’ve been through’ is saturated with wisdom, I’d say. Hard-earned wisdom.
Tracie: What you are going through is horrible. What you are writing is wonderful.
John